I guess it's been a few weeks since my last post...but in my defence, it's been a busy few weeks!

We are fast approaching May 19th. I've been looking forward to this moment for so long, but now that it's 4 months away, I'm starting to grow anxious. We know that we will still be here a little while past May, but it does mean that that this "phase" is about to be behind us. Spencer takes his practice DLPT on Wednesday and Thursday next week. We are incredibly nervous, I can't imagine how we will be on the actual day of  the final test. We're sweatin' over the practice one!  He feels confident though, which is great since HE is the one actually testing not me. Otherwise, we'd been in trouble! 

We are still trying to figure out what we're going to do when he goes to TX. Should we move with him for those 12 weeks or go back to FL and stay with a friend? I love the idea of staying with my girlfriend Cassy, and collecting BAH, but I know it'll be hard on the boys. We will be living in limbo for a few months and I'm not sure how Alex, especially will handle that. He is very much a daddy's boy and not so good with change. I think it'll be good for us all though. People assume because we are military, we're use to separation, but honestly, in the past 5 years of Spencer's career, he has never gone TDY or deployed. We know he will deploy with this new job, so I think it'll be good "practice" for when when that day comes.

Update on Aidan's 18 month baby well (even though he's about 20 months now) lol

He is now in the 60% percentile for height and weight, and 90% for head circum. His doctor enjoyed watching him move about and was really impressed with his physical development and put him at a 24 months for his social development. ( no surprise there really) he is SUCH a flirt.  Some day's, I wonder if his energy will ever run out since he seems to just go and go, finding new ways to explore his world. I can feel another ER visit soon. He's been climbing alot lately, scaling the book shelf and what-not. Yesterday, I came downstairs to find him half way up trying to reach a book! That child is 100% fearless, which I do appreciate but not at the expense of my frequent "heart attacks!"

Alex is also doing very well. He is such a  little talker these days. We are amazed at how well he can count, recognize letters, even write! It amazes me even more that he's only 3 years old. If you know me, you  know how big of a head start education nerd I am. I do tend to push them, but only because I know their limits. Alex could be reading by this time next year, that has been my goal, to see him read by the age of 5, and here we are writing our alphabet and name at 3! I guess you can say, I'm a pretty proud momma ':o)

Well, looks like my 10 minute break is over! Back to work! :)

The Promise

There are so many things that I wish I could say, wish I had time for, wish that I could replay;

But as time ticks by and keep growing older, there’s one thing in particular that I’m glad that I told you,

I love you, I need you forever by my side, you bring me happiness and a sense of pride;

But most of all when I look down deep within, I feel a loneliness knowing it all comes to an end.

Cause then I think about sadness like what if it were me, going off to bad places to serve my country,

Protecting the innocent, the weak and the lost; serving a God who had to die on a cross,

But it’s sad cause that God might one day get me killed, blown up by a murderer who just wanted the thrill,

The thrill of success in a holy war, knowing he’ll go to heaven for the family he tore

Apart, there is a nothingness down deep inside, feeling lost and confused because your husband has died.

And all you get in return, a little folded flag and the thought of the one you love in a body bag,

But now the thought is too much and every time you think, you break down, cry out, it drives you close to the brink.

You’ve lived life, you’ve loved and lost all the same, but trust in God, that loss will never bring you shame,

Cause the life that he lived, it was honest and right, he was one of the good guys and gave up a good fight.

And then I think backwards like if it was you and not me and I cry deep inside, the very thought, misery.

Maybe a man, late at night, who fell asleep at the wheel, jumps the curb, starts to swerve, for me the thought is to real

Cause then the news that I get from the knock at the door, “Your wife is dead”, it’s too much and I drop to the floor

And I beg God, why did it have to be me, there was so much I could’ve, I should’ve…please!!!

Bring back my wife there’s so much left to give, I’d trade it all away for another chance to live.

Cause now our kids grow up without the love of their mother, not knowing how to show care, no love for self or another,

I’d walk in shadow and pain trying, for them to be strong; but without you, everything always seems to go wrong.

We’d live and we’d love, we’d learn and we’d fight, even when they go to bed and I kiss them goodnight,

I’d cry myself to sleep reminded of how you were gone, but I’d pray, God, for strength just to make it, go on.

There are so many things that I wish I could say, wish I had time for, wish that I could replay;

But as time ticks by and I keep growing older, there’s one thing in particular that I’m glad that I told you,

I love you, I need you and you’ll always be, in heart, mind, and soul mine throughout eternity.

I love you, I love you, I need you, I swear; through thick, thin, the rain storms, in sunshine I’ll be there.

This promise is for you for the rest of our days, even when times are tough, in the grayest of shades.

I love you.

by Spencer D. Southerland

Aidan "No-No" Miah

If there is something to be said about Aidan..it's that the word "No" means nothing to him. I have never met a kid so eager to get into trouble in all my life. Take the instance not too long ago, where he nearly severed his tongue in half! Doing what.. is still a mystery that only HE knows. I still remember the moment I walked in his bedroom during nap time to find not only him, but the carpet, and bedsheets covered in blood. I still remember feeling like he was gone, as he lay nearly lifeless wrapped in his 'Cars' blanket. Of course, the numbness and shock quickly turned to panic and fear when I discovered the reason for the blood and slow breathing. I still can't believe he never cried. Not once did I hear him cry on the baby monitor.  Rushing him to the ER and explaining to the doctors and staff what I found without any explanation as to HOW it happened was quite nerve wrecking as well. They brain stormed several instances. Everything from him trying to climb out of his bed, and slipping/falling on the rail, to eating glass, or possibly biting his tongue during a grandmal seizure. No one was able to give a correct answer as to how a 15 month old with no molars, and only 6 teeth, could do something like that. I just thank God Spencer was there to hold him down in the operating room so the doctors could sew it back together as I waited in the "quiet room" listening to him scream at the top of his lungs because the numbing medication didn't work. Oh the joys of what's to come!

Since then, he has tried to stick his toy car in a light socket, swam in the toilet, attempted to climb inside the oven, walked right out the front door AFTER he unbolted it using a toy tool box to stand on, climbed to the kitchen island using the computer chair, only be to be found STANDING, munching on an apple and a shear grin of pride on his face. I could be here all day listing all the crazy things this kid has done..and he's only 18 months old.

Recently, Alex has started calling him "Aidan No-No Miah" which is quite perfect if you think about it. As much as I go crazy telling him "no, Aidan don't touch, "no Aidan, don't do that", I appreciate his strong, stubborns to learn. They say it's a "boy thing" but gender isn't the reason. It's pure genetics. I guess I had what was coming to me lol. Between, myself, the tom boy of sorts who got into everything imaginable as a child, and Spencer the kid that seemed to always get hurt, we've created a monster. With Alex, we got lucky. That's all there is to that. PURE luck and grace of God. He's been smart enough to know so far, what could happen if  you stick your finger in a light socket or drink Orange glow floor cleaner. Unfortunately, though he can be quite dramatic. But that's an entirely different blog. :p

I don't know when the next to trip the the ER will be, to mend a broken bone from falling  out of a tree, or stitch up his forehead from jumping on the bed with the ceiling fan on. What I do know is, I'll keep telling him "NO", and he'll keep giving me mini heart attacks. I can only hope one day, when he becomes a father, Spencer and I can watch in amazement, and amusement as he struggles with his son or daughter teaching the word "No".:)

update from Monterey

We'll, we've been here roughly 9 months now. Hard to believe this time last year, we were living in Colorado Springs, CO.  Spencer had just received his acceptance to the DLI..and I was a nervous wreck. All the questions you ask as a military spouse. "Where will we live?" What is the base/post like?" What is the area like?", Will I be able to make mom friends" etc., etc. The questions I should have been asking were, "How the HECK am I going to do this alone for a year!?" Can I emotionally take this on?" How many hours a day/week will he need to study and when he's not studying, how long will homework take?" I know, I'm not technically alone, but the first 6 months sure felt that way! Some days, I wished he were gone for real. Maybe that would make this whole experience a bit easier than seeing him sitting at the computer studying or doing homework and not able to interact with him out of fear it would break his concentration. I shouldn't feel that way though. Seeing him physically is MUCH better than praying/hoping everyday that he's alright or not. He was physically, here but mentally, 10 miles away at school. Especially with having kids, things became very stressful and time with him, especially alone, became incredibly precious. I remember days when the boys and I would greet him with, "hi daddy..welcome home!" Then moments later he would be "gone" again.  It was like  living with a ghost that I could see and touch but never really interact with or better yet, washing clothes and feeding the "invisible man". I just had to keep telling myself, this is only temporary, he's in school, this is his job, and our LIFE/FUTURE he is working toward. It was as if those 6 months, I was holding my breathe waiting for someone to say "OK you can breathe now." I can only imagine how HE must have felt during that time.

Now, here were are 3 months later. Things have slowed down quite a bit, school-wise and for that I'm thankful. Homework is down to an hour a night..sometimes less so I'm starting to remember "oh right, I'm NOT totally alone! I cannot express enough how much of a relief it is, to see the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel..lol

Monterey is incredible. It amazes me that people still question if there is a God or not. If you doubt, just come here, and I guarantee you'll change your mind. When you think of California, you think movie stars, hot sandy beaches, crowds of people, and congested freeways. Monterey, is nothing I would imagine California to be like. We barely have sun (which doesn't help with my ghost-white complexion), The scenery is incredible! When Spencer first took me to lover's point it literally took my breath away. Living in FL all my life, the closest to anything spectacular along the beach would include a crab, an intact seashell...or if you're REALLY "lucky" like me, stepping on a jellyfish! Here, it is nothing to see a seal sunning in the sand, or dolphins swimming in the harbor just feet away from where you stand. Don't even get me started on the WHALES! I'll never forget the first time I stood on a tour boat, out in the middle of  Monterey Bay watching a pod of Humpbacks swimming and diving just yards away...in the open water! No, trainers, no glass aquarium, just free, wild whales. Such and incredible, humbling experience.

Alright, children update. They are doing well. Hard to believe Alex is now 3 and Aidan is fast approaching 2! Aidan is such an incredible baby. Every day he amazes me more. He has the sweetest, free spirit which I totally admire. Wish more people, including myself, had his "go getter" attitude. Alex, is our little engineer. He analyzes everything and incredibly OCD for a 3 year old. Probably the most stubborn person I've ever known outside of myself. We are very excited to see where life will take him. I know every parent thinks their kid will someday be the next president, great American architect, doctor, or even go to space but Alex is so unlike other kids. He has this flame inside of him, that I pray never burns out. If you've met him, you know what I'm talking about. In any case, they have adjusted well to the area, and our lifestyle which is "pick up and go" most of the time. A few months ago, Einstein decided he no longer wanted to be a part of our family. He would get out of the yard, run out the door, and chew excessively. Finally, one day he ran out the door and our neighbor who brought him back, asked if I would consider rehoming him. Dogs choose their owners right? At least we still have Newton. That must be a record for us. Wow, we've had a single pet for 6 years now. GO US! Now, we have a cat too (Mitra). I'm convinced she was a witch in her past life. She has put a spell on Spencer like I've never seen. I'm not complaining though. I wanted a cat, and now here she is sound asleep in the laundry basket. God forbid something happen to her though..my life would be OVER! LOL


Currently, we are on what they call "Exodus" but we call Christmas break for 2 weeks. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that this time next week, we will be going into another new year. As I look back at this year, I'm in Awe with how much has happened. In just one year! We moved, to California, started a new life, I lost a dear friend to Cancer, and another to the war in Afghanistan. Several of my mom friends, had heartbreaking years. The amount of babies that have passed too soon astonishes me. Whether from miscarriage, or still-birth, even SIDS. Now, I can't reflect on 2010, without noting all the good things too. I mean, we are living in CALIFORNIA! We are nearly debt free, and we have two, HEALTHY boys. Although this move has been stressful at times, it has brought our family closer than ever. We are now looking forward to the future of 2011 which will bring just as many changes. We are here for a few more months, but then we will be taking on a whole new adventure. The boys and I will drop Spencer off at Goodfellow AFB, TX to finish out the remainder of his tech school, then the boys and I will head to FL to live with family/friends for 16 weeks. Another wonderful/scary thing will happen then too. We will be in the process of buying our first home. Right now, we are looking at the North Augusta, SC area, since it's close enough (aprox 24 minutes) from the gate of Ft Gordon. This will be an entirely new adventure/challenge for us. As nerve wrecking as it might be, what an amazing feeling to be homeowners! Of course, if we get orders to Maryland, then we will live on post. We prefer to buy a house with land, not a shared wall with our neighbor and it seems most of the homes there are made that way. 2011, will be the year of change yet again, but all things change in time. It's what you do when those changes happen. Whether they are good or bad, or your decisions were good or bad you have to take something from them. Easier said than done though, eh?


I suppose I'll close here. I'm new to this blogging thing so bare with me. It's a work in progress :)